A Word On Retrospectives

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Timidly, I am choosing the limbs and breastbone of one,

 

A man who isn’t much for spoken words,

 

But whose touch resounds on me

 

With the impact of Halley’s,

 

Falling,

 

Landing,

 

A whisper into the ground.

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These images mark the end of a season and the beginning of a very new period in my life. Late this past summer, I chose to try joining the journey I’m on with that of someone else and I’m learning that this kind of thing – a relationship – is intricate and case-specific.

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Men with short beards, softer sides and hearts that are a rich basin of complexity. This has been my jam for years and the variety of men like this with whom I’ve crossed paths have helped to teach me lessons each in their own turn. However, what I’m learning now is that, despite a wealth of lessons that develop later on into wisdom, relationships can’t be tamed and constrained by algorithms and lessons learned.

 

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My dad said recently of relationships: “[he doesn’t] think that anything is natural or normal”. Perhaps unsurprisingly, this statement came up during a time when I was having difficulty establishing some sort of standard to which to compare my relationship. Since mulling on the truth of my dad’s words, I’ve been learning that generalities and norms won’t bridge the risk or heal the uncertainties that come with caring deeply for another person. The more familiarized I become with the beautiful and simultaneous contradictions that make up the man with whom I spend my time, the more I realize that there isn’t any reason for applying these general rules where close observation is merited. My boyfriend does things differently from me, and the more I learn his language, the more I’m able to recognize and feel the depth of his caring towards me.

Timidly, I am choosing the limbs and breastbone of one, a man who isn’t much for spoken words, but whose touch resounds on me with the impact of Halley’s, falling, landing, a whisper into the ground.

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Photography by Matt Lowden

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